Emotions haunt spaces. I knew that. Intimately, because I’ve been living in a fraught house for so long. So I’m not sure why I didn’t pick up earlier that I’ve been avoiding my blog because of the reverberations of my last post. Therefore. Let’s clear the air with a happier clarifying: why I love going… Continue reading
The peanut incident
My paternal grandmother kidnapped me when I was one or so and I nearly died as a result.There, that’s the main content note. That’s the lede.As with many stories in our family, and I suspect in other families where abuse was rampant, a lot of trauma was obscured behind a combination of amnesia, forced reconciliation,… Continue reading
Halmeoni
Content notes: endometriosis, chronic illness, chronic pain, generational trauma. I watched “Halmeoni” by Kevin Jin Kwan Kim and it was heartbreakingly beautiful. Heartbreaking in part because for some years I was that immigrant who forgot their “native” language, but also because I couldn’t help but wonder what it could’ve been like, would’ve been like, if… Continue reading
The dream and illusions behind the pursuit of minimalism
The thing about minimalism as it’s so often shown to us, is that it expects a high level of privilege. I too, would like to be able to backpack my way across Europe with nothing but a backpack, but there are many things that stand in the way of that, least of all my inability… Continue reading
what we’re worth, what we deserve, and what we’re owed
I might just start titling these posts: things 1~100000 I wish someone had told child-me. But. Yeah. It’s invaluable to learn how to make the disconnect between “I am worthy of”, “I deserve”, and “I am owed”. Some of you might be side-eying me right now about how “I am worthy of x” is almost… Continue reading
The fallacy of like and alike
I woke up at 5:48 this morning, and then was unable to go back to sleep.For one, because the upstairs had started hammering at something. At first decisive and loud, shifting to an almost apologetic hesitancy when I imagine the thing refused to be politely hammered into place with a quickness as they expected, then… Continue reading
Avatar: the construction and reconciling thereof
Content warning: I’m going to talk about body dysmorphia and fatphobia and in general things that might prompt extremely uncomfortable feelings about the physical self. Please take care of yourself and exit if necessary. I apologized to someone today.That sounds odd, almost condescending in a pretentious sort of way when phrased like that, but there’s… Continue reading
Just~ go.
The thing about erasing the past self, is that it can be a lingering departure. It perhaps often is, because we are human and therefore soft-hearted at the worst (and best, yes) times.Some of you may be muttering “she said soft-hearted, but she meant foolish” under your breath here, and yes, that too.But only we… Continue reading
The ?-step approach towards reincarnation
I was going to say “first, you kill yourself”.But although that’s true, perhaps we shouldn’t put up something that looks like click-bait. Potentially harm-causing click-bait, at that.Yet, how else do you move into a new incarnation, without shuffling off this mortal coil?The reference is deliberate, because a bit like becoming a monk or nun and… Continue reading
The princess of peas
I recently learned of dermatographia – in which pressure causes hives. Exhibit 94015444 of why I don’t trust many doctors: The Cleveland Clinic says it is a common and benign skin condition, then in later paragraphs admits that it could be a sign of an autoimmune disease. *insert katja screaming at the top of her… Continue reading