I think about war.Today, yesterday, tomorrow.Every day until I am finally murdered by a government somewhere, most likely my own.Unwillingly, I dwell upon it.Of how my disability and frailties are framed as a conflict between myself and my body.When I am being killed slowly, every single day, and the only thing my body does, is… Continue reading
Post Category → Incarnating the Self
Sentinel Academy
Sentinel Academy is officially finished today, 11-22-2023, at 28818 words.I like the numbers, so I’m noting them. It might be about all I enjoy about this story for quite a while, so I might as well luxuriate in what I can. Elyuana’s story is, was, will be difficult. But it’s fine. They say every ten… Continue reading
To name a star
Best beloved pointed out the question about whether AGAB language is useful or not and I had to stop and really think about it.Some might notice I’ve changed phrasing elsewhere, in addition to the correction, to the clunkier “as a person seen and considered to be a little girl”.Clunky, and some might think, unnecessary.After all,… Continue reading
Halmeoni
Content notes: endometriosis, chronic illness, chronic pain, generational trauma. I watched “Halmeoni” by Kevin Jin Kwan Kim and it was heartbreakingly beautiful. Heartbreaking in part because for some years I was that immigrant who forgot their “native” language, but also because I couldn’t help but wonder what it could’ve been like, would’ve been like, if… Continue reading
Avatar: the construction and reconciling thereof
Content warning: I’m going to talk about body dysmorphia and fatphobia and in general things that might prompt extremely uncomfortable feelings about the physical self. Please take care of yourself and exit if necessary. I apologized to someone today.That sounds odd, almost condescending in a pretentious sort of way when phrased like that, but there’s… Continue reading
Just~ go.
The thing about erasing the past self, is that it can be a lingering departure. It perhaps often is, because we are human and therefore soft-hearted at the worst (and best, yes) times.Some of you may be muttering “she said soft-hearted, but she meant foolish” under your breath here, and yes, that too.But only we… Continue reading
The ?-step approach towards reincarnation
I was going to say “first, you kill yourself”.But although that’s true, perhaps we shouldn’t put up something that looks like click-bait. Potentially harm-causing click-bait, at that.Yet, how else do you move into a new incarnation, without shuffling off this mortal coil?The reference is deliberate, because a bit like becoming a monk or nun and… Continue reading